Possible Endings for Book Seven
by Joyce LaKee
Summary: Just a few endings JK may want to consider...rated T for Sheakspearean swearing


I don't own any of these creative properties. JK Rowling, owns the character, of course, but the settings are too numerous to list. Let me just say here that I don't own them.

Just in case JK gets a killer case of writer's block, here are some ideas, which could stimulate her imagination.

THE CHARLES DICKENS ENDING

After the last battle, Dumbledore, also known as the Ghost of Headmasters Past, tells Harry, "So you see, my boy, Miss Granger was the half-sister of Mr. Longbottom, who was the third cousin four times removed from Draco Malfoy, who was the secretly selected protégé of Remus Lupin, who was the supermarket check-out boy for Professor McGonagall, who was the stepmother of the next door neighbor of Voldemort's first boss, who was the BFF of Professor Snape, who was the uncle-in-law of Ronald Weasley, who was..."

THE WILLIAM SHEAKSPEARE ENDING

Dumbledore: Thou art the blackest hearted knave, take that! (Stabs Lucius Malfoy)

Malfoy (dying): I must needs avenge myself upon...Ron! (Makes him swallow poison)

Ron (dying): Is this a dagger I see before me? Thou must die, evil Snape (clubs him with a mace)

Snape (dying): Out, damned spot, out Neville (strangles Neville)

Neville (dying): Never hast I liked thee, Filch, since thou prunethed my best plants (stones Filch)

Filch (dying): Hermione, thou hast killed my cat for the last time. (Pushes off cliff)

Hermione (dying and voice fading away): Marry, my comrades, screw thy courage to the sticking place!

(The Marauders, McGonagall and Harry surround Dumbledore with their daggers and do him in)

Dumbledore (dying): Et tu McGonagall?

Voldemort, lurking in the shadows, Avada Kadavra's everybody else, who have

no dying words

(Voldemort is left, laughing maniacally, but as he exits, he trips over the mace and falls on somebody's dropped dagger)

Voldemort (dying): Go, and talk more of these sad things. (Dies)

(Curtain Closes)

THE SCOOBY-DOO ENDING

The last battle has been fought and won, luckily without bloodshed or death. Voldemort has been captured and handcuffed by the local Aurors Nymphadora Tonks and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Harry steps forward.

"Okay, kids, lets find out who this so-called monster really is," he says, and takes off mask.

Hermione shrieks," Argus Filch, secondary character and easily forgotten groundskeeper of Hogwarts!"

Argus Filch looks defiant as he says, "My bid for domination of the wizarding world was the perfect plan...And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"

Ron says, "Well, from now on, you'll be doing your grounds keeping... at Azkaban."

Everyone except Argus laughs.

THE GONE WITH THE WIND ENDING

Voldemort says to Bellatrix: I'm leaving Hogwarts. I need to see if there is any place in the wizarding world left with grace and beauty. Besides, I'm not in love with you anymore.

Bellatrix: Oh, Voldemort, where will I go, what should I do?

Voldemort: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. (Walks out the door as Bellatrix sobs.)

Bellatrix: I can't think about this now. I will think about it tomorrow, and I will win him back. But first I must go back to Spinners End. After all, tomorrow is another day!

(Music swells)

ROAD RUNNER AND COYOTE ENDING

Voldemort is chasing Harry through the desert. Harry comes to a dead end at a large boulder. Pulling out a can of paint that was conveniently and inexplicably left lying in the middle of nowhere, Harry draws a train tunnel on the boulder and runs through it. Voldemort sees him run through the "tunnel" and attempts it himself. However, it is now solid rock again and he jars himself badly. As he staggers on the road, the painted tunnel turns into a real train tunnel and an express train barrels through and squashes him flat. Squished into a flat little heap, he holds up a sign reading "help!'. (Naturally, he got the sign from the Acme Sign Company)

THE BOB NEWHART SHOW ENDING

Here's one for you moms and dads. 50 points to your house if you get this reference. 75 points if you saw this reference on its original airdate.

Voldemort and the Death Eaters are waging a pitched battle against Harry, the Order of the Phoenix, and various and sundry good guys. Wands are waving, spells and counter spells flying and the body count is rising.

All of a sudden, the scene goes blank and Bob Hartley sits up in bed. Turning to his wife, he shakes her awake, saying, "Emily, I just had the strangest dream! There was magic, and wizards, and a big castle, and..."

Emily, yawning: Go back to sleep, Bob.

(This actually would be a good ending for the television show "Lost". But I digress...)

THE STAR WARS ENDING

Harry and Voldemort are dueling wands. Voldemort says, "Join me, come to the dark side, Harry, we will rule the wizarding world together as Dark Lord and Hogwarts Student."

Harry replies," Never, Voldemort, you killed my father."

Voldemort grins evilly," NO, HARRY, I AM YOUR FATHER"

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...Although, upon further reflection, I think there is still good in you."

At this point all the Death Eaters rush in to kill Voldemort, thinking he has gone weak. Harry single-handedly defeats them all, but Voldemort is injured in the process.

Harry rushes to Voldemort's side and says," Father, I can save you!"

Voldemort says, "Son, you have already saved me."

Later, at Hermione and Ron's wedding, Harry wanders off to see the ghosts of Dumbledore, Sirius and a younger and much better looking Tom Riddle, who smile kindly upon Harry. (In the alternate version, Tom Riddle just looks like ugly old Voldemort)


End file.
